Christmas Eve can never pass without me thinking of Bampa and how he despises to shop. He is about the only person I know that is actually allergic to the mall. Correct me if I am wrong Bampa, but parking, choosing gifts, standing in lines, and moron shoppers all make you come down with a rash (a rash of bad words, if you know what I am saying). Am I right? Well, for a while I was Bampa's little elf. I remember one year he drove Melanie and me downtown on Christmas Eve. He gave me a fist full of cash, pretty much no instructions and turned us loose in the mall while he circled Salt Lake (one of his favorite pass times). I think we found Glama some perfume and maybe some jewelry but when we saw the sexy Christmas lingerie, we laughed ourselves senseless. The plan was to run through the list of presents we bought for Glama with Bampa, excluding the skimpy panties cleverly concealed in my pocket, and then of course do all of the wrapping. I would then discreetly place the wrapped panties under the tree with the sexiest note my 14 year old brain could come up with, "To: Mrs. Claus, From: Santa Claus" and then let the scene unfold before me Christmas morning. I am pretty sure I didn't let anyone else in on my little joke. Christmas morning I watched that package like a hawk. By the time Glama was about to open the gift I was one Nervous Nelly. Of course Glama made a big production of getting a gift. She made sure that all eyes were on her by saying things like, "Whatever could this be?" and, "What a fancy little box!". Bampa had a confident, yet blank look on his face (every once in awhile glancing to me). I was having a tough time maintaining my poker face. After much ceremony Glama tore into her little box, looked inside.... and BLUSHED! She quickly slammed the little box shut. Now we were ALL dying to see what was inside, especially Bampa (he he he)! She eventually HAD to succumb to our appeals, probably because Bampa had to give up the illusion that HE had actually bought the gift. Or maybe I had to give up my little innocent game of shrugging my shoulders and playing dumb. Probably because I was laughing so hard I was crying! Anyway, it goes down as one of my favorite Christmas memories of all time, and I believe it cured Bampa of his, "Mall Fever".
(sorry, I think I am so funny that I posted this on two blogs)
4 comments:
Excuse while I go change my underpants; I was laughing so hard I peed. I wish I could remember that Christmas but alas my memory sucks, but Mistletoe's reversion of it was hilarious. Even Naphurs had to change his under pants.
You will have to excuse my last comment it was poorly written; that's because I was still laughing hard when I wrote it. Seriously, I haven't laughed so hard in a long time!
I always knew you were devious Missltoe - I would have never been able to pull that one off.
I laughed so hard at this post that sprite came out my nose. Thanks for the sinus "cleanse". so funny!
I still remember how fun it was to watch you graciously open gifts at your bridal shower. We commented that you were so genuinely happy with every present you opened that we could wrap up a pack of gum and you would ooh and ahh over it.
I didn't realize you were such a sneaky gift "giver". Love this story!
What a fabulous story! Is it possible that you never told it to me!?? I thought I'd heard all your best tales from childhood...Or maybe I just share moodles' plight of a poor memory...
So, tell it to me again in a couple of years, and I can laugh my head off for a 2nd (or 3rd) time!
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